My head is just pounding tonight, at least I have three cheese tea biscuits, a honey crueller, steeped tea and a couple migraine Tylenol to make it all better. Make that two cheese tea biscuits…*nom nom* Strangely, I found I actually loved the unappetizing thing when I was in the hospital last year. I enjoyed the variety that comes in hospital food. It’s the end of a long weekend full of work, being sick and sleep, ending with me having to now stay up for the next 9.5 hours to study for and then write an exam, then hopefully have the energy for the class, office hours, and meetings that will plague the rest of my day. Oh SHIT! My readings…Ugh. That will be my Monday night. ^^’’’’ Heh, Alright then.
I will start by talking love and attraction, it is always such a popular topic, though I generally seem disinterested in it. I wonder just how much more my friends have just perked up and started paying more attention to this now. :p I am stuck in a time when I just cant seem to gain much interest in anyone but one person, someone whose fondness of me is incredibly limited and isn’t going to change. The biggest problem is me though. I, much like many out there hate and detest myself. Always wishing to have more stylish hair, be stronger, faster and toned. Its nowhere close to where I would be if I hit the gym harder than I ever have before. It is my insecurities and hate for myself that has been caused me to drive interest and people away. I have always been a firm believer that no one can love another till they love themselves first. Essentially it means you can make the best decisions for yourself as well. Why would anyone who cares about themselves stay in a detrimental relationship. No one should be in a relationship because they need the other person. And who would put their partner through all their baggage. Also, relationships are time and effort, something that you need if you hate yourself to get your shit sorted out. So my love gets repressed, until I can start to like myself and feel worthwhile. Till then I will continue to be insecure about myself and my friendships. On the plus side, lack of a relationship gives me more time to deal with the anger directed at me from those who I have told this all too, but persist trying to get into my pants while I keep telling them that I am not interested. Also ever hear the phrase “Bro’s before Hoe’s”? Lets ignore the fact that that implies the other in the relationship is so disrespected for a second. Seriously, I am a relationship person, but I am not the type to ditch the friends to spend 24/7 alone with my partner. When a relationship is done, generally, you loose that person from your life, they can be your best friend and someone who knows you the most, then they are gone. I don’t understand why people would devote all their time to someone when there is pretty much a guarantee that you wont spend the rest of your life with them. Friends are at least generally there for longer. So I guess that just says that I tend to love and care for my friends a great deal. Now, I dont say this enough to my friends, but I know the search for love is something so strong in people that sometimes to not focus on it is difficult, it is just that in my life I am able to do it. I realize that without the passion of love, there would be a lot less inspiration that led to so much wonderful art and music. Alright, that blew away some time, study time now, with perhaps a bit of being Erica for study breaks(Attractiveness wise she is awesome). I wonder if I just do definitions and forego reading the text book if there is any chance I will pass? Lol. Will let you know. I hate Bio.
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Kris
I am a Bi+Trans geeky student who is all about Gaming, Music, Drawing, Writing, Anime, Comic books, and Web comics. Categories
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April 2016
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